Birth Story

At Annie’s last parent-teacher meeting, the director of the school wondered if there had been issues when Annie was born. She mentioned it because Annie has a high need for physical contact and also to be the center of attention, and was suggesting that sometimes those early days can have a lingering effect. I believe probably a large part of that need is Annie’s personality that came hard-wired, but it got me thinking.

I asked my friend, Margriet, who is a psychologist, what she thought. She suggested I talk to Annie about what happened at her birth. I didn’t make a big plan, but a couple of days ago we were snuggling in bed and it just seemed like the right time. I told her how she was born and how Dad and Rebecca and I were so happy, and then I described the problems that happened. She was able to follow along and asked questions that showed she understood what I was saying and was curious. I asked her how she imagined she must have felt not really seeing her momma for the first couple of days of her life. She wasn’t as interested in the emotional part as in the story itself, so I stayed with that.

I don’t know how these things work, if those first memories are stored in the body or affect personality. I don’t think anyone can say for sure. But it felt right to talk to Annie about what happened when she was born, and I think the topic will come up again sometime, either by her or I initiating it. And it was a good process to start, because there are other difficult things I know Annie needs to know about her world as time goes by, and it opens up the path to discuss those times as well.

It also follows my very deep belief that you can’t shelter anyone, child or adult, from the difficulties or pain of life. You can only help provide the tools and strength to deal with it at the time, and work through it once it is over. Talking about the events and emotions that happen in life, both good and bad, is absolutely the first step.